


or put me in the ground

by popnographic



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Songfic, SouMako Week, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-13
Updated: 2015-10-13
Packaged: 2018-04-26 04:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4989616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popnographic/pseuds/popnographic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a perfect world, Sousuke would've probably been dating Makoto for years by now. In a perfect world, Rin and Makoto wouldn't be upholding a happy front whilst being unhappy with each other behind closed doors.</p><p>This isn't a perfect world, and in this imperfect world, Yamazaki Sousuke's in love with his best friend's boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	or put me in the ground

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [soumakoweek](http://soumakoweek.tumblr.com). Day 4 - Musical melody.
> 
> Song used: Placebo - _Exit Wounds_

It’s been two years since Makoto and Rin started dating. It feels like _three_ , at least to Sousuke. Nanase probably thinks the same, but for a vastly different reason. Sousuke almost feels bad for nagging to him about his issues, but Nanase always says it’s okay. That he understands.

And he probably does, because Makoto’s his best friend, and there’s no way he’s okay with what’s been going on between those two for god knows how long. _How_ they’re still together despite everything, Sousuke has no idea. No one probably does, and no one really asks, either.

 

 _In the arms of another who doesn’t mean anything to you  
_ _There’s nothing much to discover_

Nanase ends up crashing at his place that night. Again. On his couch, nonetheless. Not that it bothers him, because he obviously doesn’t use the couch at night, and Nanase’s a clean freak, anyway. He wouldn’t be so bothered by it, had it not been for this reason… _again_.

_Does he shake, does he shiver, as he sidles up to you?  
_ _Like I did in my time_

“You know, all those years ago, I would’ve _never_ said this to you”, Nanase mumbles, the lower half of his face covered by his blanket, “but now… I really want you to take him from Rin. I’ll help you. I don’t care, I just… don’t want to see him like this.”

Sousuke frowns. “I don’t wanna see Rin like that, either. I don’t get why they don’t just fix their fucking problems themselves instead of sweeping them under the rug. Really, how many times do we have to do this?”

_As you wake, does he smother you in kisses, long and true?  
_ _Does he even think to bother?_

“He doesn’t sleep there _every_ night”, Nanase argues, though he probably knows there’s no point to his argument. Sousuke rolls his eyes, turns back to the TV and leans back against the couch as he sits on his living room floor. His chest feels tight, and he takes deep breaths to try and calm himself down. To stop himself from crying, because he doesn’t want to give either of them that satisfaction.

“Maybe not, but it’s still pretty often. And you know, not that I don’t like the occasional company, but you _could_ sleep in your own house, still. In that guest room, or the living room. At least you have a kotatsu.”

Nanase goes quiet for a second. “I don’t wanna have to listen to him crying at night. I don’t care if you call me selfish, but if I can’t even help him and make him stop crying, then I don’t see the point in being around. I don’t _want_ to be there.”

_And at night under covers, as he’s sliding into you  
_ _Does it set your sweat on fire?_

 

“Yamazaki.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m coming down.”

“I don’t need your fucking _pity_ , Nanase”, he growls, but it’s too late. Nanase sits down next to him, puts his arms around Sousuke. Sousuke tries to squirm his way out, but it’s to no use. He realises that maybe Nanase needs this, too. The support they wouldn’t get elsewhere.

And Sousuke eventually lets himself crumble in Nanase’s arms. He hates, _hates_ being in love with a guy who doesn’t even _notice_ , a guy who’s far too good for his boyfriend, and that’s coming from said boyfriend’s—supposedly—best friend.

_Want you so bad I can taste it, but you’re nowhere to be found  
_ _I’ll take a drug to replace it, or put me in the ground_

 

Sousuke grins and bears it whenever they hang out with Rin and Makoto. He lets himself steal glances from Makoto; Nanase notices, but doesn’t say anything. Makoto’s far too occupied with looking lovingly at his boyfriend, and it hurts to see. Because Sousuke knows that behind closed doors, things are so, _so_ different from what they show when they’re in public.

 

 _In the arms of another, who doesn’t mean anything to you  
_ _Do you lose yourself in wonder?_

Is it conceited for him to say that he’s one hundred per-cent sure of the fact that he’d be a better boyfriend to Makoto than Rin could ever be? Maybe it is, but Sousuke doesn’t care. He wants to be there for Makoto so badly, but he’s so scared, such a coward, and he knows it’ll never happen.

 

 _If I could I would hover, while he’s making love to you  
_ _Make it rain as I cry_

 

Sousuke grins and bears it all. He jokes around with Rin, tries his best to have casual conversations with Makoto about anything and everything. Bickers with Nanase, because that’s what they’re supposed to do when they’re with Rin and Makoto. Neither of them know of the bond he’s formed with Nanase because of Makoto’s and Rin’s situation.

Whenever Nanase spends the night, Sousuke lets his walls crumble to pieces, blows his shields to smithereens. Ironically, it’s the only way he can make himself stay sane in all of this. He knows, hopes, that one day, this’ll all be over. Either Rin or Makoto will have come to their senses, and they’ll end the charade.

And maybe then, Sousuke can have a chance—that is, if he’s brave enough to try and replace Rin in Makoto’s heart.

 

_Want you so bad I can taste it, but you’re nowhere to be found_

For now, Sousuke copes. Stays patient, does his best to keep his head above the surface. Takes each day as it comes, keeps telling him there’s always a new day tomorrow. Maybe one day he’ll get over it. Maybe, if he’s dumb enough to believe it.

 

_I’ll take a drug to replace it, or put me in the ground_


End file.
